Re:Louis Fur Rue/SC!)"
Captain T.W.Fowler,
c/o The Ship,
St Cuthbert's Street,
Bedford, MK40 3JB

6th June 2002

The Rings

Dear Captain,

Those indicated in block set are like that, not because they are not jokes but because I destroyed (not Gogol-style) the letter before I got the recycled paper but after the rest had been sent, the [psychosomatic grunge packet] happening to get the last one. I no longer have a copy and have deleted nearly all my emails and Clipper of the Seas letters to protect PETS. If you want to read what was said by contacting the others you will tort UG10909 if you do not make a payment to charity to read it. I went to give my new turntable a spin. I played JACKGOTOBEDATNOON"Spock's Missing" and LADYDISSLIPPER"No Room". Then I had to carry out a bizarre Freemasonic ceremony to change the speed to 33 and 1/3. A KGB/MI6 agent has been monitoring every single thing I did since 1926 and knew that I had spent hours trying to remove the interference on my stereo in 1980. The reason was twofold: (1) Every where I went the radio was jammed completely and unaccountably perhaps as many as two listening opportunities every day in my earlier years (2) There was nowhere to earth my turntable made in West Germany to my Tropicalised Phillips amp, which was involved in my near death, imported here from the Trucial States in ca 1969. The bizarre Freemasonic ceremony involved taking a little plastic hook and, after removing the platter, using the hook to move the drive belt, rubber]Dunlop Wellingtons with grey sole 1980, No. 9 bus roof~ 1992, strangely disappeared from my locker at at ICBC ~1997[, and hitching it round the smaller diameter wheel of the motor, or vice versa]DERBYSHIREBELGRANODAVEYJONESLOCKERENTRANCEPROCEDURE ABC of with pictures[. Having now enabled myself to play a vinyl record at 33 I chose to play RARESHEEP"Knee Trembler"CANVINS'ABBATOIR The Close Lobsters", and I did. Aesthetic. Now I played "Trophy"]Pickles[ by Siouxsie and the BanshessOLDROUNDHOUSEEGINESHED and "Lunar Camel" ROUTEMASTERONMOONEXTINCTION same GOMA. I was nearly ready but first gestured a pointy hat on my head and played SPIDERINRICHMONDHOTELGARDEN,CA1963,"2000 LIGHT YEARS FROM HOME" GOMA(different hotel) I knew, more or less, exactly what I wanted to achieve and my HAMSTERWRATH was directed at whatever it was that put me though, most of all, I may be woefully under-representing myself and indeed I have to be, those who caused, January '99, May '99 and August '00. Immediately I can say I have done because I know those experiences alone were enough to consider myself to still be a member of the Special Forces despite the KANGARCRESTEDOOCOURTMARTIALIN1994 after which I was physically removed from HQ, JOSHUATREE "Branded Theme" OLDSPARKY UNKNOWN. But what about- well you tell me- does nobody not not not... have any idea what I have been through? -------- Being that as I raised the ugly spectre of justified corporate homicide laws being repealed I now had to go for the jugular and so put on RILLINGTONPLACE "Murder" HYENACADAVRE New Order. As it played I said "Faster", and then "Faster" again. Eventually I felt there was no logical choice but to take the foam off the mike and throw it to the floor in disgust at the whole ****ing thing saying during this escapade very slowly "I--- HATE---- YOU". Well it was the Japan v England Tort War World Cup heat. So now I played the "Sakura" Matrix ]PANDA[ mix AUSHCWITZ? Section 25 and soon realised I was playing it at the wrong speed. Having realised this I knew exactly what to do and this was invoke God playing games with high energy particle physicists spying on his positrons and play the first track from BRITISHEMPIRE "Victoria Land" SILVERFISH&OTHERSINATTICVICTORIANDERELICTHOUSENEARGARAGEGARVAGHYROADPORTADOWN The Cocteau Twins which is an album that is intended to play at 45rpm but when I bought it I listened to the first track at 33 and thought I was listening to Gregorian chant or something as I recall. I knew roughly where I was going ( I wanted to summon the full might of DORMOUUUSE PLANET PATROL to stop what happened to me happening to somebody else and by them back to me yet again]WAR OFFICE, "d'~`on't particularly" department[) and now played Public Image by Public Image]Grateful Cat, Woolwich Building Society CASTLE ROAD BRANCH, Banks v Cunliffe 1947[. Then I played REGENTSPARKBANDSTAND The Sex Pistols SILVERFISH&OTHERSIN BUCKINGHAMPALACEROOFSPACE "God Save the Queen" MUTCHMARCLECIDERPRESS "Turn to Red" DEATHWATCHNURKTWIN Killing Joke and was more or less ready for what I wanted to do. Nioaw this record is a 45 and played at the right played at the right speed played at the right speed... half a lemon (squeezed). Did I carry out the bizarre Freemasonic ceremony before putting on the record at any of the appropriate places before, including the one where I first started saying "Faster" like Glassbead Magister Bernard Albrecht of New Order CARLSBADDRACULAR'SCASTLE did in the BBC basement? I have to question whether I did on even one occasion. I began playing YELLOWLADYBIRD"Don't Do It" ABBOTS RIPTOFF TRAIN DISASTERICE New Order but wanted first to play ]You Name It[M.A.D }You Name It [ Napalm Death. Now you see this is where it gets complicated. To start with I had sensed there was something wrong with the three plug adaptor socket which had worked before. So to play this record I had to plug the CD player direct into the sockettombs. I do not recall any previous problem getting anything to work through the adaptor, apart from when I was nearly killed in 1980. I now realised that M.A.D [You named it] did not end where 19 appeared on the CD display but a few seconds into the next track, EMPERORPENGUIN "Divine Death". So I played it `thre~e times hoping to receive some legal representation for the illegally imprisoned [psychosomatic grunge packets] and that's just to start with. Now I was much nearer to what I wanted to say, though even that was confused and I was relying on some sense of instinct feeling some might accuse me of things like acting and performing- which I do understand I can assure you. Now I played CAT WITHMATTEDHAIRINNEWQUAYRSPCACALLTHOUGHTSASHADFOUNDITELSEWHERE "Don't Do It" in full and so I was ready for my grand gesture of the evening (I'm an arsehole) which was to play AUSCWITZBEDANDHAIRKNITSVC'S ARE APIECEOFPISS "Trident" ][ SECTION25. But what happened? I knew straight away it was playing at the wrong speed whether or not I had to then do the bizarre Freemasonic ceremony. So I did it several times and the turntable was still going at 33 1/3 as I saw. And not only did I see it but EASTERNMOCKINGBIRD Trident was only going at below average speed. Now I know an adaptor is available to play 78s and during my life, when I was less than 10, I was told an uncle of mine had written "It's the Real thing" and "He played his ukelele as the ship went down". Well that's `prob]{#?ably a load of bollocks. So what did I do? I put the adaptor onto the turntable without the platter, set it off at 33 and 1/3, put the PIL sleeve with John Lydon's handsome face behind it, what's his name (CLASH) looking sideways from the shelf, the ADamANTand the KINGS Cross Gents Urinalsvandalllism hopefulllyhidden beind the plllasticmicrobes "Xerox" by the sleeve, drew the curtains, switched the light off and locked the door to the room, placing the NAGASAKIHIROSHIMATACOMANARROWSBRIDGEBUTTERLYUNSPECIFIEDKilling Joke "No Way Out But To Forward Go" cd on the door handle. I took the key with me and it is still in my pocket. I am now going to try and play a record at the right speed. I suspect there is a Trident shower in a hotel in Gourock where, depending on who is having a shower, the temperature might oscillate wildly, according to a ruling on an intelligent group action. I shall now attempt to play THEFAMOUSGROUSE "Trident" at the right speed... I have now played it satisfactorily, feel very confused, could not thrash my Griffin speakers as it is late and do not want to annoy neighbours, who have jobs, so played through headphones, Austrian, lowered "extraneous noise" salesman speak 1981 worried about annoying person in next room with extraneous headphone noise (heavy metal casing). Spider had left thread of silk (dirty) from wall down to turntable arm whilst I was out though I believe I had the room key all the time, let alone the Castle Ward key, so how on earth the spider got in there I can only imagine. Doesn't Johnny Rotten look ever so handsome on the First Issue Sleeve darling- or should I say 7th son of the 7th son's corndolly?

Yours faithfully, 50925385